Got a smoke? Red or White?

I think the hardest part about moving, is not so much getting used to the new town, but getting used to NOT being in the old one. More of a "but I just saw the empire state building out of my window the other day...what happened?"
But believe me, getting used to living here is no strain. Like it's really hard to get used to the fact that I'm paying half in rent, I have my OWN washer and dryer, and I find the people in this community overwhelmingly friendly and generous.

Dave has quit smoking and is on his 5th day of no tobacco ever. Let me just say something about quitting. If we're able to get through this period of time, we can get through any fucking hurdle. I think we've both realized in the past few days how much tobacco was an active sidekick in Dave's life before now. And quitting is like Batman firing Robin. It feels wrong, yet somehow it makes sense.

Here's what he looks like two days ago:

Notice the lack of smoke coming out of his nose or mouth.

And here too. You will see there is a clear lens, untarnished by smoky fumes.

Also, the famous Rebel Roger the beagle mutt is pretty excited to be here too. Though he tends to bark at every little thing in our apartment since we are on the first floor facing the street. He has this impulse to bay at everything he sees, hears, or smells...so he's a very vocal dog these days. But he's peaceful when he's dreaming about rabbits.

Dave and I are working on a demo album right now, and will hopefully be done with that before this weekend is out. We're also still in the job hunt, but I'm not terrified yet. In fact, I might have a lead on a job working in a wine shop. Yes that's right. I'm going to be that snobby wine girl. But don't get me wrong people. I still drink cheap beer and Crown whiskey straight from the bottle. Just cause I know my shit don't mean I'm not a cheap ass too.
Well, that's enough of me talking about kind of lack luster topics. But hey, I'm just getting started. Let's see where this place takes me.

Becoming a Nashvillian

We made it. We made our landing in Nashville, and after three days of settling in a little a bit, I'm wondering how I fit in here, in a place that is so drastically different from New York. There are so many things about a city that I'm realizing plays a huge role in why it's "home". Not just the people, although that's a huge part of it, but it's the shape of the city. New York had its own personality and you could feel it breathing when you were walking around its streets. And then there is the architecture...I love the architecture of new york. Even the run-down buildings have a strange charm to them. Although if anyone knows how to over romanticize about a place it's me. I was living in a bug-ridden, cold, angry building and felt no warm feelings towards it at the time.
So that brings me to here. Nashville. Although I was not overly "wow'd" by the skyline or the miles and miles of bland white right-angled buildings at first, the city is starting to grow on me along with the east that comes with it. The past couple of days we've really started to settle in our apartment like we never even had the opportunity to do in our last place. And most amazingly, from one good friend grew a few more new friends and from them, probably more, all of whom are giving us the warmth and hospitality that we need. Today, we're going to a house art show that we helped prepare for last night by cooking, organizing materials and making block art prints to sell. So we're heading back out there today with our instruments after having been told we should bring them to entertain. Already, it's clear that people appreciate music here and are always wanting musicians to collaborate and contribute to the pot.

But we must go! More Nashville tales to come.

Whiskey and Wine is a great way to say goodbye

My last two nights in New York was kind of like a Cliffs Notes of all the reasons why leaving is hard. I made at least three people cry...not my favorite way of pleasing people, but at least they weren't cheering for joy. And we played our music for the last time ever at the Lucky Cat, not only because we ourselves are leaving, but because the bar has been bought by new owners and will be refurbished, redone, and re-peopled to make it a better fitting establishment for the new Manhattanized Williamsburg that we've grown so sweetly bought out by due to high rising rents and dirty landlords.
In short, it was a very bitter-sweet night for all of us. No more late night shots of Jameson from the bar just because...why not? To life! And no more Tuesday night open mikes even though I always had to work anyway and often missed it. No more cheap drinks because they know me, no more free pizza because the guy I'm in love with makes them for me, no more being the only one on the dance floor like a maniac because there are no hipsters to watch me.
And on top of this, I managed to see almost all the people that made an impact in my life during my time in new york. Most are staying for good, or at least I get that feeling.
The last hours there were just a few good friends, liquored up by their alcohol of preference (mine was whiskey followed by a slow and lingering "I'm not ready to go yet" red wine), talking about New York, rent, relationships, relationships in New York, working in restaurants for too long, and just the general survival skills needed to live somewhere so demanding.
I think the next step in my life is to really see what kind of survivalist I am. What kind of city do I belong in, will I ever want to move back to "the city"? Maybe not. But then again, maybe every other city I live in from now on will only be, "not like New York." But even with those thoughts flowing, I still don't think that's incentive enough for me to move back.

So here I am at Dave's parents' house in Connecticut with our dog. The fridge is stocked, and the shower is something I want to be naked in...for a long time. Something that didn't EVER occur at our old shit hole of an apartment in Brooklyn. And, I can breathe when I go outside. Did you know that air in other places smells good?
We're here to collect ourselves and look for a place to live once we reach Nashville. We'll see how a little socialite like me will do without friends or even strangers for that matter to talk to over a glass of wine. I might have a million small breakdowns along the way. This solitude could be good for me. Writing anyone?
Yes. Good. Deep breath and try to enjoy the scenery while I'm here. This city girl is going country again.

Heading South

The first half of this month, I was able to travel with the Khorikos choir on tour in the Czech Republic and Germany for 9 days. It was amazing. We performed every night in a different church. Before going on the trip, I really had my reservations about things. After the trip, I had gotten to know each amazing person in the group a little more and really came to love everything about the group, and still do. I told the director I was going to take the next season off to have more personal time and work on my own music. But what I didn't realize was that I would be moving in such a short amount of time and would not be singing with them for a while, or maybe ever? As you may know, it's been hard living in New York. But of course it is because it's New York, right? But coming home from such a glamorous trip (not always glamorous...I'm pretty sure I got bed bug bites one night at hostel) made me even more depressed about the situation at home. So when I got home, dave and I started to take action. First we managed to get in touch with our new building manager. After much phone tag and voice messages due to a lengthy Jewish holiday season, where nothing was accounted for, not even a missing lock on the door, or the still present bed bugs looming in our floors, the manager agreed to terminate our lease and give us back every penny we had in deposits.
Good news for us!
Back story a week earlier: Dave had casually asked me if I wanted to move to Nashville come next August. It was a city I really enjoyed on our visit during our tour this summer. I told him yes! But then, maybe!, and then again, Yes! why not? We have a couple of friends there and it's close to my family and it would be a great town to play music in.
So a week went by and we realized we have to get out of our apartment by November 1st. So as all the apartment stuff was happening, Dave found out that the Lucky Cat, where he's worked for the past couple of years has been bought by the people who own Cake Shop in the city and everyone working there would lose their job November 7th. Hmmm, no apartment, no job for dave...
While sitting with Dave's parents at lunch one day, we were talking about all this, and the idea of moving right away came up. "Why don't we move now?" (me) "What? Are you serious?"

Pause

Silence

Maybe not such a bad idea.

We liked Nashville, and we would probably fit in there very well. But what about New York? What will it do without us? What will we do without it? What about my job? And my friends? And my choir that's maybe taking off??
Such are the questions I've been facing for the past couple of days...even though only a week ago, I was only happy to take my things and go.
I am excited for a new adventure, and I am ready for more time and space on my hands. But it's funny how I've never really noticed what I love about this place until I decide to leave it. I think that's only natural though. And new york will never leave if I ever decide to come back. Most people except for my dad and my therapist (yes I have one) think it's a great idea for us. While the exceptions only question what I am leaving behind. In other words, they are all my fears in spoken word for me to hear crystal clear. But I'm 23 and I have a lot of places I want to see and live in. So I'm just putting my inner thoughts out there on the screen for people (or just me) to see to make it clearer to me what I want. But I know that no decision is the wrong one, and each decision is hard.
So we're leaving for nashville tennessee in two weeks...November 9th. Well, we're going to stay with dave's family in CT for two weeks after that, and then head down. So I'm gonna be a southerner again!
I imagine there's friends, jobs and people to sing with there too. They'll just be different. But please, don't let me join a Jesus choir. I know I'll be down south, but I am not going to sing for Jesus. Ever.

It sure is cold here for not having heat...

Bhudda and Bed Bugs

Unfortunately, I have a broken digital camera right now, and won't be able to post any photos for a while. And any film that could be developed and then scanned to show you is somewhere in a plastic bag (via bed bug lifestyle), so that might take some time as well. But, I've still got some things that are important to me. My dog, who is the most adorable wonderful animal in the whole universe, a roof over my head, which as you know, does not come so easy in the big apple, the music, and the people I love. Sounds cheesy, but it's true. Things have been tough lately and it's really hard to count your blessings, but there are a lot of things I have to be grateful for as well. I've been going to a meditation group every monday called the I.D. (Inter-Dependence) Project that dave's been a part of for a while now. And this week's discussion was particularly impressive on my life. The theme was Cynicism and Skepticism. Obviously I am prone to both, but lately, especially the former. I have a gift for seeing all negativity in a situation and then feeling almost wise for knowing the worst. We discussed how skepticism was an inherent part of Buddhism and how without asking questions, there can be nothing learned at the end of the day, and you will not have gotten further in your journey of knowledge. But we also discussed the danger of having only cynicism and no faith, no ability to believe in change and growth. That actually, skepticism, or as they call it, "the great doubt," is just the other side of the coin to faith. This really resonated with me. Because after many years of being brought up under the Jewish belief that G-d is the unyielding "rock" of your existence...the shoulders that hold the world together, I realize now that if I were to have faith in something, it would be faith in the yielding, the natural cycles of change that occur constantly. If you trust that things are fluid rather than stagnant, you won't be disappointed quite so much.

So. How can I apply this to my life? I'm living out of bags, and I can barely find a pair of socks to put on my feet each morning. I'm still tossing an turning every night on a plastic-covered mattress with nothing to rest my head on. I'm living in an apartment building where my downstairs neighbor can't even afford to do all of his laundry so the exterminator can come spray his place for bed bugs too. Jerry, the old, slightly mentally impaired man below us who has lived here for 40 years, who is living off welfare cannot even afford to have his 20 year old TV repaired and wants to have Dave help him carry it down stairs to take to the repair men, but not until his check has arrived. I'm living in a building full of want and lack. This is the Cynic in me. Where the voice inside of me says, this is the world, and it has nowhere to go.
But if I were to really listen to the the other side of myself; the one of faith, I would know to trust that things are in flux as I speak. Everything is shifting and rearranging, and soon another batch of uncomfortable untimely things will probably happen, but I might be sleeping on a very plush bed with pillows, bug free. And Jerry will have gotten his TV fixed.

So this is my challenge for the next few weeks. Look at the big picture, and the small things will start to get smaller.

bed bug-a-thon

I haven't been writing the past few days because I couldn't decide whether to lie about how hard things have been or to actually sit down and tell it how it is. But then I realized like an idiot, that it's my blog, my story, not anyone else's. So why would I hesitate to write what's true? It's a funny inclination I have to avoid problems. Therefore, if I don't display the problems on an internet journal, then the problem exists a little less in my life, right?

Fuck it.

Bed bugs have taken over our life. When we came back from tour, Dave noticed he was getting bites again. (I say again, because we thought we had had them a couple months ago but got rid of them). So we called the landlord, and we eventually scheduled the exterminator to come. What I didn't realize before this started is how draining the bed bug war is. Not only do you have to wash every item of clothing or cloth thing that you own, but you have to bag everything you own for a while and live out of trash bags until the problem has vanished. The night we were preparing for all this, we both had several break downs after having lifted the heaviest laundry loads up and down stairs, vacuuming books, emptying drawers of important photos and papers, and clearing our pantry. We might as well have moved in one day, we were exhausted.
Then at 3:30 in the morning, as dave was coming back from a walk with Roger, he noticed his bike was missing, and the only evidence left was his now cut chain. Imagine our chagrin when he walks inside and shows me the broken chain. That's just too much for one day. There should be a limit on shitty things that occur to a person on a given day or week.
But they always seem to collide into one shit chasm, don't they?

But things are looking up, I hope. We got the bike back, miraculously. Or not, because the idiot who stole it rode around on it every night two blocks away, so about 4 of our neighbors noticed and told us about it. Finally, our friend Ashely saw him riding around and at that moment called dave while he was at an interview, and the cops drove him over to the scene, and he politely and carefully took his bike back and rode off into the Bushwick sunset.

The bugs: the guy came and exterminated, supposedly. He sprayed the hell out of our apartment with this liquid chemical that Roger, and even we, were not allowed to walk barefood on for two whole days. We left the house to eat at Fiore, the place I work. (If you ever want really great, affordable Italian food while in NY, go there! Fiore restaurant on grand st. in Williamsburg, BK)

So we are living out of bags, sleeping on a plastic bed with no pillows or blankets, and the apartment seems bare. But, no bites for the past two nights! We've had some consolation through the indulgence of television via netflix and internet. ie: Weeds season 3, Daily Show, and DNC and RNC speeches.
We haven't been able to practice our music all that much, but we're getting back to it slowly. There's no way a bed bug could ever defeat the duo Chicken Little! No way no how.

Pictures from tour still on hold since I had to put the film canisters in a bag somewhere. Thanks for being my virtual shrink today everyone. May you live a bug-free life.

Underground Policeman

So last night, after being let off early from a very slow night at work, dave and I decided to play in the subways for a couple of hours. So we headed to the Bedford stop subway in Williamsburg, where the money is a flowing, and played some songs for the people. It went over very well, and we even accumulated a good sized crowd all standing about 10 feet back from us as they waited for their train. A wave of clapping ended each song, and people even sang along once in a while. One little kid was dancing around his mother in excited circles to "Greensburg." I was relieved to know we could make people smile. Even when using words like "fuck" or singing about how life doesn't always pan out the way you might like. It helps that we look like we are actually enjoying ourselves in the process.

Well, after about an hour or so of playing for different waves of transit riders, a police officer came up behind us, and in between articulated bubblegum pops, said to us in a subdued voice, "Ok, wrap it up," and then swiftly closed our guitar case-modeled-as-tip jar with his foot. Before he could get away, we asked him what we are doing wrong, and how exactly were we breaking the law? He obviously had not had a lot of experience with subway musicians and started trying to quote some transit codes about soliciting and misusing the transit system and such. Then Dave, who has had numerous experiences quoting subway musician laws to cops in the past, politely, but firmly explained that actually officer, it is perfectly legal to play and receive "donations" as long as you are 25 feet from a token booth and not obstructing traffic as stated in a transit code. The officer seemed shocked at first, but kept his cool, popped his gum and walked away. We left anyway. But on our way out he seemed slightly apologetic and told us we may be right, but he was still skeptical about us accepting donations told us we were still misusing transit property. We replied that wasn't true and we were within our first and 14th amendment rights of free speech.
No one was upset, and we left politely. Maybe he'll be nicer to the next musician he comes across.