Bhudda and Bed Bugs

Unfortunately, I have a broken digital camera right now, and won't be able to post any photos for a while. And any film that could be developed and then scanned to show you is somewhere in a plastic bag (via bed bug lifestyle), so that might take some time as well. But, I've still got some things that are important to me. My dog, who is the most adorable wonderful animal in the whole universe, a roof over my head, which as you know, does not come so easy in the big apple, the music, and the people I love. Sounds cheesy, but it's true. Things have been tough lately and it's really hard to count your blessings, but there are a lot of things I have to be grateful for as well. I've been going to a meditation group every monday called the I.D. (Inter-Dependence) Project that dave's been a part of for a while now. And this week's discussion was particularly impressive on my life. The theme was Cynicism and Skepticism. Obviously I am prone to both, but lately, especially the former. I have a gift for seeing all negativity in a situation and then feeling almost wise for knowing the worst. We discussed how skepticism was an inherent part of Buddhism and how without asking questions, there can be nothing learned at the end of the day, and you will not have gotten further in your journey of knowledge. But we also discussed the danger of having only cynicism and no faith, no ability to believe in change and growth. That actually, skepticism, or as they call it, "the great doubt," is just the other side of the coin to faith. This really resonated with me. Because after many years of being brought up under the Jewish belief that G-d is the unyielding "rock" of your existence...the shoulders that hold the world together, I realize now that if I were to have faith in something, it would be faith in the yielding, the natural cycles of change that occur constantly. If you trust that things are fluid rather than stagnant, you won't be disappointed quite so much.

So. How can I apply this to my life? I'm living out of bags, and I can barely find a pair of socks to put on my feet each morning. I'm still tossing an turning every night on a plastic-covered mattress with nothing to rest my head on. I'm living in an apartment building where my downstairs neighbor can't even afford to do all of his laundry so the exterminator can come spray his place for bed bugs too. Jerry, the old, slightly mentally impaired man below us who has lived here for 40 years, who is living off welfare cannot even afford to have his 20 year old TV repaired and wants to have Dave help him carry it down stairs to take to the repair men, but not until his check has arrived. I'm living in a building full of want and lack. This is the Cynic in me. Where the voice inside of me says, this is the world, and it has nowhere to go.
But if I were to really listen to the the other side of myself; the one of faith, I would know to trust that things are in flux as I speak. Everything is shifting and rearranging, and soon another batch of uncomfortable untimely things will probably happen, but I might be sleeping on a very plush bed with pillows, bug free. And Jerry will have gotten his TV fixed.

So this is my challenge for the next few weeks. Look at the big picture, and the small things will start to get smaller.